Krazy glue your marriage

The Bible says it’s a man’s job to cleave to his wife, not her job to cling to him.

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According to our Master Yeshua, God made male and female as two opposite halves that join to form a whole.

In order for that union to work, however, the man “shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). The Hebrew word for “hold fast” is davak. It’s difficult to translate into English: “cleave to,” “cling to,” “stick to,” “hold fast to,” etc. In Modern Hebrew, the word means “glue.” A man must leave his old life behind and glue himself to his wife. That’s the essential idea.

The Bible also commands us to glue ourselves to God: “You shall serve Him and cling to Him” (Deuteronomy 10:20). It’s the same word in Hebrew as the one Jesus quoted in Matthew 19:5. This helps us understand what God requires of us when he tells us to cling to our wives. In a similar way that we must “cling” to God with singular devotion, serving him and attending to his commandments, we must cling to our wives. The word “cling” cannot mean “serve” in one place and “lord it over” in another place.

Notice that the Bible does not say that a woman must glue herself to her husband. That’s not her job. It’s a husband’s job to cling to his wife, not her job to cling to him. How does he practically do that? He must set aside his personal goals, his amusements, his recreations, his ambitions, his dreams, and anything else in his life that might impede him from sticking to his wife. He must set aside his family, his mother, his father, his friends, and his buddies in order to be glued to her. If he is glued to anything else, he will not be able to properly adhere to her, and a competition will ensue.

Men often expect the opposite. They expect their wives to set everything aside and glue to them. They expect their wives to sacrifice for the husbands’ needs, desires, ambitions, and amusements. That does not work well. Women are not spiritually equipped to glue themselves to a man. God has better equipped women to glue themselves to their children.

When a man fails to understand this, he feels jealous of everything. He does not understand why his wife always seems to have time for other things but no time for him. He pouts and throws tantrums to get her attention. He criticizes and cajoles her and tries to focus her on his needs. That behavior does not help. She will never glue herself to him. God did not make her with spiritual glue that sticks to a man. God made her with glue that sticks to her children. The despondent husband will say, “You dote over your cats, but you have no interest in me.” His wife has glued to the cats because they are in the role of her children, and she has glue for that.

Rather than pout about it, a man needs to recognize that this is how God has made men and women. Problems erupt when the man fails to let go of other things in his life for the sake of gluing to his wifeand when he expects the woman to set aside her things and glue herself to him. This man has turned things exactly backward of how they actually work. He wants to be the woman, and he wants her to be the man.

This does not mean that a married man has no life. It just means that he has no life of his own. His life belongs to his wife. When a woman feels confident that her husband is glued to her, she is happy to give him the freedom and latitude to engage in his own interests and pursuits. The moment that she feels he has glued himself to those interests and pursuits instead of her, she begins to fight him. If a woman does try to glue herself to her man, he quickly begins to take her for granted. He feels stifled. He loses interest in her. His heart starts to wander toward other women who are not glued to him so tightly. God himself designed men and women to function this way. Yeshua said, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

A man who has glued himself to his wife makes her priorities into his priorities. Her needs are his first concern. Her family is his family. Her interests, desires, and hopes are the things that interest him, that he desires, and that he hopes for—not for their own sake but for hers.

A properly glued man has no interest in anything that will separate the union he shares with his wife. Other women do not exist. Intruding family members are of no consequence. Financial stresses, pressures from work, and the worries and concerns of life cannot weaken his adhesion to her. Even the call of ministry for the kingdom does not keep him from making his wife his first priority. He knows that God has joined him to his wife, and since God has done the joining, he will not let anything separate him from her.

When a man has properly glued himself to his wife, she has no doubt about where his loyalties and priorities lie. She knows that she is the most important thing in his life, and her insecurities vanish. She becomes free to blossom into the godly woman God has designed her to be.

He does not expect her to cling to him that way. He knows that is not her job. Instead, he is happy to fulfill his God-given role and be the one with the glue. This does not mean that a man must roll over and play dead for his wife. He will find that when she is confident that he has glued himself to her, she will be happy to give him plenty of slack to pursue his own interests, hobbies, and ambitions.

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This article originally appeared on First Fruits of Zion, September 27, 2017, and reposted with permission.