Oh come let us condemn them!

Sinner in fron of Christmas tree
"A wicked, unrepentant pagan sinner in need of correction from a righteous person like yourself"

(The following is a piece of parody which the author offers to all while mindful that those who need to read it the most are not known for being open to self-examination or for having much of a sense of humor .)

Brothers and sisters, I am writing to sound the alarm over a problem I’ve noted in the Body of Messiah, especially here in Israel.

The problem is, put simply, that in a world where peace, grace, mercy, kindness, courtesy, empathy, goodwill and mutual understanding are rapidly overwhelming all areas of human interaction, the Body of Messiah is failing to fulfil its calling to be a patch of darkness in the light by engaging far too much in all these things, instead of obeying the Biblical instructions to be mean, nasty, rude, self-righteous, judgemental and arrogant towards each other.

Alas, there is far too much unity, compassion, grace and love being expressed by Believers for other Believers, and its having a devastating effect on our witness. I’ll put it to you plainly gentle reader. How can we ever expect to reach the World with the Gospel if we don’t do more to tear each other to shreds, especially at this time of year where the culture roles out time honoured calls for disharmony, badwill and enmity towards all men?

It’s time to get busy making a big deal over the day people choose to celebrate the birth of our Lord and Saviour, condemning anyone who dares to celebrate on 25 December, just like Colossians 2:16 plainly instructs us to. It’s time for brothers and sisters to dwell apart in enmity and bitterness, just like Psalm 133:1 tells us we’re supposed to.

Are you wondering how you can do your part?

Don’t worry, I’ve got ya covered. Here are some practical suggestions.

If a friend or family member invites you to their home at this time of year, make sure to lecture them about the pagan origins of the Christmas Tree they’ve got in their living room. If they’re shameless enough to offer you a cup of egg nog or any other similar token of kindness or hospitality, make a self-righteous show of refusing it with an appropriately disgusted/outraged/heartbroken look on your face. Do the same to any heathen apostate who dares to offer you a candy cane or other such idolatrous offal on the street, at a store or in your place of work or study.

If someone says “Merry Christmas” to you, respond by contemptuously wishing them “Happy Hanukkah” and consider adding a diatribe about how Jesus and the Apostles wouldn’t know what “Merry Christmas” meant and that no God-fearing person (like yourself) would ever disgrace themselves by saying it.

If you work at a place which has an office Christmas Party, consider sending an email to all staff with an exhaustive history of the pagan origins of Santa Claus and other traditional Christmas nomenclature. Keep this list handy so you can also post it in reply to any Christmasy posts your hopelessly ignorant friends might put up on social media. But don’t just send this material to friends and co-workers, splatter it everywhere you can because there’s NOTHING that will bring a total stranger running to Jesus faster than having you slam their Christmas posts with an unsolicited barrage of vitriolic contempt.

Make sure to remind everyone, whether they ask or not, that Jesus was a Torah Observant Jewish Rabbi who would be horrified and disgusted by the sight of families gathering to share their love for each other in houses decorated with flashing multi-colored lights, exchanging presents, eating snowman-shaped iced ginger cookies and singing carols written to express worship and devotion to Him and love towards each other. Make sure you remind them of John 10:22, which tells us that Jesus celebrated Hanukkah and therefore He clearly rejects and abhors any kind of holiday which isn’t specifically mandated by the Torah, detesting any and all man-made traditions which create circumstances where people would express love for each other or worship for God.

Speaking of Torah Observant Jews, how long are we going to put up with these Catholic and Orthodox churches here in Jerusalem opening their doors to visitors on Christmas? Haven’t they gotten the memo about how Jewish people are repelled by churches and disgusted by the pagan pageantry of Christmas? Don’t they understand that Jewish people are only ever going to be attracted to Jesus if He’s presented to them in his First Century Jewish context?

Maybe they’re confused by the tens of thousands of Jewish Israelis (who apparently also didn’t read the memo) who crowd into these churches every December to enjoy the festivities. Maybe the thousands of copies of Hebrew-language New Testaments which get taken home by these Israeli Jews every year have blinded the monks and priests in these churches to the unspeakably evil, unforgivable sin they’re committing by offering a smiling, welcoming face to these long-suffering Jewish people who are so desperately searching for the blind hatred, contempt and disgust that they can’t find anywhere else.

God must weep over this horrible situation whereby so many of His Chosen People are coming into His Kingdom in a way that so many of the Hebrew Roots movement were so sure they never would. It must fill the Almighty with unspeakable remorse to see His plans and purposes moving forward in a different way than the Hebrew Roots movement always insisted was the only way it was possible for these things to happen.

Or maybe He’s not weeping.

It’s hard to believe, but the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth didn’t even have the common courtesy to ask the permission of the Hebrew Roots movement before making use of these traditional churches to reach the Jewish People here in the Land of Israel. He probably never even read the explicitly worded communiques they sent Him about how those traditional churches were no good for anything at all because of their wicked participation in the Council of Nicaea.

It’s almost as bad as when the American Churches prayed for God to move in their country and He responded by using Kanye West, which was obviously not what so many of those praying people meant. Aren’t you glad they made their displeasure with the methodology of the King of the Universe so clear? One can only hope He got the message and won’t make any more such moves without consulting them first.